In Times of Chaos or Peace

August 22, 2018November 1, 2018Leave a comment

I had just left my sister’s apartment and was about a mile away from home. The light had just turned green for me; I started to move and make my turn when another driver drove into me. By the time I realized what was about to happen, the impact had occurred. In that instant, it was as if everything had stood still. I heard the car crashing into mine and inexplicably, I was enveloped in a great covering of peace and felt as if I had been scooped up into safety. Instead of the usual “seeing your life pass in front of your eyes” experience, my mind oddly wondered about how many other accidents and impacts God had rescued me from.

When the car had stopped and I came to myself, the air bags had deployed and the fume they emitted was everywhere. Shortly after, a young man stopped his car, walked over to my side and asked if I was okay. As my door was all damaged, he went around trying to help me out. Minutes later, the ambulance and the police officers arrived on the scene, then it was lights on – action. All of a sudden, it got much louder and very chaotic.

I was being bombarded with questions and then my body started to respond with pain. My pressure and heart rates naturally went through the roof. Then off to the hospital, followed by more questions, a battery of tests and hours into the next day, I was released to go home but what followed were intense headaches and disorienting pressures in my head; then it was off to more doctor’s visits, more imaging tests, coordinating with insurance company, work, transportation, etc.…Then all the warning bells started to go off — I was about to lose it. I found myself at a place where I urgently needed to decide whether I would allow that event to turn my life upside down or take a step back and refocus my mind.

As hard as it may be to distance oneself from something that is directly affecting one’s life, that was exactly what I decided to do. So, I took a pause, quieted myself down and proceeded to:

Count My Blessings — First and foremost, I am alive. Things could have been a lot worse. Some couldn’t believe the extinct of the damage to my car and I, first hand, suffered the effects of the impact on my body. Yet, despite the physical injuries and alteration to my routine, my soul has been sustained.

From the night of the accident to now, I have had angels walking this out with me. My sister and her friend met me on the scene and spent the night at the hospital with me. I had the most caring first responders and the days that followed, friends and colleagues were in queue to bring meals, drive me around; and for the nearly three months, He has provided in so many other ways.

Surrender to the Greater Plan — It is clear as day that God isn’t the originator of the tragedies and heartbreaks we experience in life. He, however, often uses them to reveal Himself to us and/or to perfect His character in us. These tragedies can be excruciating and suffocating but sometimes they serve as wake-up calls. They can become opportunities for us to evolve, to strengthen our faith and for God to vindicate His name. For His Word is yes and amen. His Word does not return to Him void.

Holding On to What I Know is True — After realizing I was at my breaking point, I turned to what I knew would bring me solace – to what would feed my soul; namely, time in silence, contemplation, worship and community. I was grateful for the disciplines I had been introduced to and which I had been keeping through the years, for they’d been tested and have been pathways that led me to Shalom — the peace that is complete and which surpasses all understanding.

“Blessed be the Lord, my rock, Who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle…”

Move Onward and Upward — When one’s life gets sidetracked unexpectedly and one is physically incapacitated, falling prey to emotional discouragement is quite easy. I will admit that at first, I was irritated, I asked “what now” and I felt drained. It all seemed unfair and at some point, I just wanted to stay in bed. Yet, I also knew that I had to keep fighting; I needed to stand firm and not simply agree with how things were. I needed to keep my eyes on the end result, on the Eternal One and make a pact with myself to choose life every day.

What is your chaos? What are the noises that are making you dizzy and rendering you incapacitated?

Maybe you are a mom rushing through the end of Summer, trying to get your kids ready for the upcoming school year. Maybe it is running to and from multiple jobs in order to keep afloat. Maybe the noise come from disfunction at work or your place of worship. Maybe it’s dealing with false accusations, sudden losses or trying to discern what to do next.

From time to time, difficulties will come out of nowhere and smack us right in the middle of the face. There will be instances when they will even take the wind out of our sails. Yet as I’ve learned through the years, these are the times when we need to defer to our emergency response plan and revert to our warrior stance.

What is your emergency plan? How do you first respond when the storms erupt?

When chaos erupted unexpectedly, after reining in my emotions, I woke up to the reality that any resolution or subsequent step to remedy the situation, required that I make an attitude adjustment and be ready to decide; for whatever rescue plan I had, began with my decision. As, Viktor Frankl, one of my favorite authors, once wrote “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances. And as Moses, in Deuteronomy 30 reminded us, everyday we are presented with two options — life and death — and it is up to us to decide which one we’ll choose.

I have set before you life and death…Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life.

I must admit that although the command to choose life is pretty clear, making the choice is not always or naturally an easy task. Nevertheless, if you are at an impasse where you don’t recognize your life anymore or you are struggling to be in your right mind or to get back on your feet, don’t give up just yet.

You may have heard of the great Elijah, who despite his many prophetic exploits and great standing with God, fled to a cave after Jezebel threatened his life. As read in 1 Kings 19, Elijah wasn’t only fearful but he also started to look down on himself. He saw such little value in his life and his abilities that he sat down and prayed for death to come. Yet, even in Elijah’s weakness and despair, God showed him grace and deployed His own emergency response plan for him. He sent him nourishment for his body, guided him back to restoration and when the time came, summoned Elijah back to finish the course set before him.

Furthermore, Moses didn’t just give us the command to choose life [to live, to be healthy, to prosper, to find justice, to be joyful, to have peace]; he also gave us the steps to help us do so, namely — to love the Lord, listen to His voice and hold fast to Him. And, thankfully, even in those instances when we respond differently or, like Elijah, opt to run away, God still shows up — after the wind, the earthquake and the fire — in a gentle whisper, to strengthen, remind us who we are and send us on our way.

If somehow you find yourself in the middle of a chaotic situation, I pray you find immediate relief and respite. If you are enjoying a season of peace, thank God for that and continue to hold fast to Him. As Moses instructed and as Elijah demonstrated, in time of chaos or peace, may you choose to listen to His voice, to continue to fight [intentionally & with a strategy] and may you choose to stay the course.

Sola gratia,

Christine

Gather me to be with you…

March 18, 2017Leave a comment

O GOD, gather me now to be with you as you are with me.

Soothe my tiredness;
quiet my fretfulness;
curb my aimlessness;
receive my compulsiveness;
let me be easy for a moment.

O LORD, release me from the fears and guilts which grip me so tightly;
from the expectations and opinions which I so tightly grip,
that I may be open to receiving,
to learn something refreshingly different.

O GOD, gather me to be with you as you are with me.
Forgive me for claiming so much for myself
that I leave no room for gratitude;
for confusing exercises in self-importance
with acceptance of self-worth;
for complaining so much of my burdens that I become a burden;
for competing against others so insidiously
that I stifle celebrating them and receiving your blessing
through their gifts.

O GOD, gather me to be with you as you are with me.
Keep me in touch with myself,
with my needs,
my anxieties,
my angers,
my pains,
my corruptions,
that I may claim them as my own
rather than blame them on someone else.

O LORD, deepen my wounds into wisdom;
shape my weakness into compassion;
gentle my envy into enjoyment,
my fear into trust,
my guilt into honesty,
my accusing finger into tickling ones.

O GOD, gather me to be with you as you are with me.

– Ted Loder

Sabătica Fall 2016 – Peace that Endures [Reflections & Pictures]

September 30, 2016December 30, 2016Leave a comment

We are not at peace with others because we are not at peace with ourselves, and we are not at peace with ourselves because we are not at peace with God. –Thomas Merton

As we prayed and began to prepare for this year’s Fall retreat, the word PEACE kept on surfacing. Considering the current state of our cities, nation and world, overtaken by fear and despair, we took it as a clear indication of where our focus ought to be and a confirmation that our gathering needed not only to provide a space for serenity and respite but also to engage in practices that would harness an inner peace that could endure through layers of fear, global chaos and uncertainties. So, for two days we gathered and through selected teachings, various practices, rest and community, we pursued the peace that endures. What ensued was a beautiful lesson and testament of faith — faith to trust and proceed despite obstacles; faith to show up, to be vulnerable and to seek peace with ourselves, with others and with God.

For various reasons, this second Fall retreat was very significant to me, especially for the lessons it brought along. It didn’t go according to the original plan but as it unfolded and as everyone later shared about their experiences to and during the retreat, it was certain that it all transpired just as it was supposed to.

To every soul who attended, to our teachers and helpers who selflessly gave of themselves and to all of you, our friends reading this post, we pray for continued grace and enduring peace.

Here are some of the moments that were captured during the retreat.

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you…”
— Isaiah 26:3

Sabătica Fall Retreat: {Peace That Endures}
Date: September 23-24, 2016
Location: Dolce Conference Center, Norwalk, CT
Retreat Leader: Peace That Endures, Lectio Divina, Meditation {Christine Dorvil},
Retreat Teachers: Pilates {Sarina Fiorita}; Painting {Vernice Holmes}; Aromatherapy {Dorota Matys}

The Enemy of our Peace

August 23, 2016August 24, 20161 Comment

There has been many a time when I wanted to run away from my life, to go to some deserted place in search of peace but only to realize that changing location, even less hiding from my world, wouldn’t take my distress away, for wherever I would be, so would also be my turmoil.

Some of us go to extremes in an attempt to find peace. Nations go to war. People try to dismiss their circumstances or opt to numb themselves with substances or temporary highs, often to no avail.

However, as I have had the grace to experience, even in the midst of the loudest chaos, inner peace is very much attainable. It is a sweet and inexplicable phenomenon. It is a treasure that must be protected and intentionally maintained.

Perfect peace enables us to stand with our feet firmly planted on the ground. At the same time, it is constantly under attack by an enemy whose arsenal can dangerously take on many forms and which requires that we remain alert, vigilant and properly armed to counter-attack. Yet, in order to do that, as written by Sun Tzu [a Chinese General] in The Art of War, we must know our enemies and study their war strategies.

With that in mind, do you know the enemy of your peace? Are you aware of the instances when you are the least at peace? Do you know your triggers?

If for instance we were to look at the current political environment, we could easily identify propaganda, fear and division as some of the strategies or tactics being used by the campaigning parties and which may have an effect on our peace. While on a microscopic and personal level, it might be mistrust, unprocessed pain or resentment, to name a few.

In every aspect of life, we are faced with options and choices. Sometimes, even in not choosing we are choosing. When it comes to peace, whether as a world, country or individual, we all have a part to play. The need for our involvement is even amplified when it comes to our own inner peace, for it is who we are as individuals that impacts who we are as a nation or world. For fear generates fear; brokenness generates brokenness; peace generates peace.

Last year, I was on a flight back home when one of the attendants approached me and asked what I did for work. She followed by saying that I had such a peaceful aura and was curious to find out my secret. I laughed and answered, “only if you knew”. At the time, I was working in the financial industry, was involved with several personal projects, with a schedule that seemed chaotic. As I briefly shared with the attendant, whatever sense of peace I had came from within and was the result of a journey that span from brokenness and layers of pain to healing and faith. My life although seemingly chaotic was anchored and sustained by God’s perfect peace.

My peace comes from years of journeying with Abba, surviving a series of wars and being sustained by a continuous longing that is supported by personal choices, one of which is to safeguard my mind and heart, as every aspect of my life [the way I live, respond to life and even how I ultimately impact my world] flows from there.

We live in a world where our ability or even willingness to co-habit as citizens of this one earth is increasingly in danger. Furthermore, we are systematically being subject to a myriad of ideologies, views and agendas that have the propensity to become enemies of our inner peace. Today more than ever, it is imperative that we become good steward over our mind, heart and soul; it is crucial that we are intentional in the pursuit and preservation of peace not only for ourselves but also for our neighbors and our world.

Reflection:

When you have a minute, go to your sacred space, quiet your mind and reflect on the following questions. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you as you seek to find and maintain your inner peace.

– How is it with you these days? If you were to measure your level of peace right now, where would you find yourself — is your soul agitated within you or are you totally at peace?
– If not, what is keeping you from it? What are the triggers/enemies of your peace?
– How is your lack of peace manifested?
– What do you think must be done to attain and preserve your inner peace?

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace…”

–Romans 14:19

Sola gratia,

Christine

Please join us this coming September for our Fall 2016 Retreat, as we slow down to rest and pursue the kind of peace that is able to stand through the layers of fear, global chaos and uncertainties.

Peace that Endures
Friday, September 23rd – Saturday, September 24th
Dolce Conference Center in Norwalk, CT

The fee has been reduced and while we encourage you to disconnect and join us for both days,

after receiving some of your comments, you are now able to register for both or either day.

Take advantage of the multiple options, register today

RETREAT SCHEDULE: HERE
FEES & REGISTRATION: HERE

There is Something I Wanted to Tell You

August 8, 2016August 8, 2016Leave a comment

As we start this new work week, I wanted to share this prayer as a reminder [to us all] to be mindful of how we spend our days, to be consciously aware of life’s daily distractions and to be intentional about scheduling regular time alone with Abba — the one sure way to remain true to our divine identity, to renew our strength and to find sustaining peace.

Holy One,
there is something I wanted to tell you
but there have been errands to run,
bills to pay,
arrangements to make,
meetings to attend,
friends to entertain,
washing to do…
and I forget what it is I wanted to say to you,
and mostly I forget what I’m about,
or why.
O God,
don’t forget me, please,
for the sake of Jesus Christ….

O Father in Heaven,
perhaps you’ve already heard what I wanted to tell you.
What I wanted to ask is
forgive me,
heal me,
increase my courage, please.
Renew in me a little of love and faith,
and a sense of confidence,
and a vision of what it might mean
to live as though you were real,
and I mattered,
and everyone was sister and brother.

What I wanted to ask in my blundering way is
don’t give up on me,
don’t become too sad about me,
but laugh with me,
and try again with me,
and I will with you, too.

What I wanted to ask is
for peace enough to want and work for more,
for joy enough to share,
and for awareness that is keen enough to sense your presence
here,
now,
there,
then,
always.

Ted Loder, Guerrilas of Grace
As adapted and reprinted in Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton

Do you emotionally feel heavy and dejected?
Are you weary, in need of lasting rest and peace?
Please join us this coming September for our Fall 2016 Retreat, as we seek sweet rest and enduring peace to sustain through the layers of fear, global chaos and uncertainties.

Peace that Endures
Friday, September 23rd – Saturday, September 24th
Dolce Conference Center in Norwalk, CT
Registration is Open

The fee has been reduced and you are now able to register for both or either day.
Take advantage of the multiple options, register today
Review Schedule: HERE
Register: HERE

We are not at peace with others because we are not at peace with ourselves, and we are not at peace with ourselves because we are not at peace with God. –Thomas Merton

Emotional Assessment: Why bother?

May 26, 2016Leave a comment

At the first sign of a medical symptom, we pause to question what might be the cause. Why are we having abdominal pain? Why the reoccurring headaches? Why does it hurt when we do this or that? Quite often, after we try to diagnose the problem, we attempt to heal ourselves or decide to call a doctor to have him/her take a look. The consultation is often followed by a series of tests in order to determine what our symptoms may be trying to tell us. Granted, some of us are hypochondriacs and only make it to the doctor’s when we are running out of options; however, when we see an unusual sign, we instinctively want to find out what’s wrong. Why is that not the case for our emotional health?

Bartlett Arboretum & Gardens, C. Dorvil 05.16

I remember times when I walked around “functionally” depressed, hiding behind multiple masks and angry like a ticking time-bomb. It wasn’t until I was broken open by yet another unexpected major loss that I finally surrendered and was able to deal with the real issues behind my sorrow. What came from that was not only healing and freedom but also a keen awareness of the necessity to regularly and intentionally assess the state of my emotions in order to both maintain wellness and avoid once again reaching emotional distress.

So, what is causing you to be so angry, to get offended so easily? What is behind your depression [mild or acute], your fear? Emotional wellness doesn’t happen overnight but it does require that we take the first step, that we pay attention to the symptoms before it is too late.

The Wellness Initiative aims to do just that, to give you a safe and serene space to self-evaluate, to identify and address the underlying issues of your emotional state.

I hope you can make it, but if not this time, I encourage you to be intentional and to make your emotional wellness a priority.

Selah,
Christine

The Wellness Initiative
June 4, 2016
10:00am – 3:00pm
9:30am Coffee & Mingle
Fee: $50
Bartlett Arboretum & Gardens
151 Brookdale Road (off High Ridge Road)
Stamford, CT 06903